Setting up - Your social support
The FBL is about both internal and external transformation. As we change and transform, it is quite common for the people we love and interact with the most to hold on to our “old” way of being.
So, I invite you to think on this ---
Who might be affected by your decision to change your thinking patterns and your habits as you move toward your vision of health?
In this program, you may decide you want to alter your diet or perhaps not engage in certain activities that do not serve your vision. For example, you may decide you start going to the gym in the afternoon instead of happy hour, which may affect the activities and time you normally spent with family and friends.
So two questions you may want to yourself:
“Who might be affected by your decision to change?”
“As you change, what would your ideal support system look like? How specifically would these people support you?” -- Is that words of encouragement? Would you like them to check in with you as the program progresses? Perhaps, they can become a fellow FBL member? Also, if you don’t know quite yet, that is quite okay - we can have this discussion when the time is right in coaching.
Feel free to pause to journal on those questions.
Now for your first homeplay in this program. I want you to schedule a conversation with that person or persons letting them know about your intention for change and commitment to the FBL program. Then ask for his/her support, suggesting the specific ways they can do that for you. A template you can use is as follows:
State your intention + why it is important to you + how you’d specifically like that person to support you
In a recent example, I made a decision to reduce the number of times I ate out and to cut out all spending on alcohol. These acts were starting burden me both financially and healthwise. Living in the city, it was a challenge since eating out is extremely convenient and an easy way to connect with friends. The main person affected by this decision was my boyfriend. So after making my decision, our conversation looked a bit like this:
K: “Hey babe. I wanted to talk to you about something that’s important to me.”
M: “Sure, whatsup?”
K: “So this year I am really looking to move full-time into my business and to start eating more healthily. I am completely set in moving out of my corporate job and I need to start being more financially responsible. I also have noticed I’m lacking energy and want to have more to dedicate to the people and things that I love. So you may see that I will no longer be spending money on alcohol and may also start cooking in more rather than eating out. I really care about you and the time we spend together, so I wanted to ask for your support as I make this change. This support can look as simple as encouraging me and reminding me if I start faltering in my decision.”
M: “Of course! You got this, babe.”
K: “We also can start cooking together each week. #fitcouple”
M: “If you do the cooking, I’m down”
You get the idea :)
So when you have this conversation, there are 3 types of reactions you may get from that person:
SUPPORT - I am very lucky that my boyfriend is encouraging in my goals. At best, you will have gained a new supporter, someone that will help encourage you and keep you accountable as you move through this process. You may even find someone to join you for the entire FBL program (have them email me ;) ) or in the different experiments you try each week!
INDIFFERENT - Be prepared that some people may not be too excited about your goal as you are. That’s perfectly okay and expected - for some, it may take them a while to warm up to your goals or perhaps they never will. The key thing to remember is that it is never personal. Regardless of what this person thinks, you can still decide on change. Don’t let that person stop you from going for your dreams.
CRITICAL - Some people will criticize you and not support your vision, whether that be to lose weight or to go after your dream job. That’s okay. The main thing to remember is that it is not personal, nor is it about you. Maybe your desire to change has triggered insecurity for them of where they are not changing in their own lives. Or maybe they are afraid you will change so much that it will shift the relationship. Or maybe they just don’t understand the journey you are going to embark on -- I definitely got that reaction when I told my parents I wanted to be a life coach instead of going to graduate school.
If you you think the indifferents and criticals are going to affect your motivation and dedication as you move forward in the FBL program, feel free to keep some distance when it comes to discussing your intentions in this program. It doesn’t mean the relationship is lost but perhaps it will take some time for that person to warm up OR that you simply get something else from this relationship.
Depending on the basis of the resistance from this person, you may also want to come to a compromise. If the person is afraid you won’t have time for them, perhaps you can discuss new ways you guys can hang out that support your goals as well.
As you become more and more clear on your new identity as the healthy, loving YOU, you may need to update your support system. Feel free to revisit this section anytime during the program.
Last edit: August 5, 2017